As Burning Man, the annual gathering that celebrates self-expression, inclusion, and acceptance comes to an end, the tech community returns to its usual asshole roots.
Martin Jones, senior managing partner of Hexadecimal Ventures, denies his history of overt sexism by sexually assaulting his first male founder. Jones, who has received numerous criticisms for making unwanted sexual advances towards women, dismissed all attacks on his character by announcing that his most recent investment in Mama Bird’s Series A involved him giving the all male founding team “a round of deserving hand jobs.”
For those of us who hate everyone, elevators are a nightmare. They’re the public transit of office buildings. You need them to get around, but you’re forced to put up with offensive odors and incessant chit chat about Kelly’s bridal shower. Until individual use elevators arrive, here is a guide to proper elevator etiquette when you hate everyone.
On the first day following No Meeting June, CEO Terry Lam gathered his company for a mandatory emergency All-Hands meeting to announce the start of “We Have No Clue What We’re Doing July”.
BoomMail, a marketing automation startup, reportedly marked their commitment to both non-binary gender acceptance and equality by replacing their men’s and women’s bathrooms with one, large genderless bucket. “We’ve said that we check our gender at the door. Now, it’s time we put our money where our mouth is,” Randy Parker, the company’s CEO, announced at the weekly All-Hands meeting. “And our non-heteronormative human waste where the bucket is.”
Though Brad Dagan is a loving husband, generous father of three, well-respected community figure, and VP of Operations at a regional bank, his most valued contribution to society is his online personal data, sources confirmed.
Lee Burnidge, Head of Partnerships at Palm.ai, was reportedly ambling through the 360° Thinking Summit 2017 exhibition hall, announcing his enthusiasm to explore “creating potential value” to anything alive. “You have data, we have data, and, combined, our data will be more valuable,” Burnidge, mid-30’s and dressed in an oversized blazer and blue jeans, outwardly exclaimed to nobody in particular, while onlookers staffed at booths actively avoided eye contact. “Who doesn’t like data?”
Obviously, every successful, hyper-growth tech company needs both SEO Specialists and Tarot Psychics. This handy quiz will help you tell the difference so you don’t embarrass yourself in front of Brad again.
In our constant meetings with entrepreneurs, one topic of confusion that repeatedly surfaces is “hockey stick” growth. Specifically, about what direction the hockey stick should be pointed in. Well, we decided to give back to the community by sharing our knowledge in this brief, yet invaluable blog post.